To subscribe to Patriot Humor, click here.

Patriot Humor

Building Permit

I recently submitted a building permit application for a new house.

It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide with 9 gun turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have had parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.

The City Council told me to forget about it.

So, I sent the application in again, but this time I called it a Mosque.

Work starts on Monday.

— Submitted

Why are terrorists suicidal?

Wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide? No Jesus, no Christmas, no television, no cheerleaders, no car races, no football, no soccer, no pork BBQ, no hot dogs, no burgers, no chocolate chip cookies, no lobster, no nachos, no beer nuts, no alcoholic beverages!

Rags for clothes and towels for hats. Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors. Constant wailing from the guy in the tower. On your knees facing east most of the day. More than one wife. You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung. Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey. Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

— Submitted

Uplifting Prayer

A friend and former Marine officer retired a few months ago and has started his own business making land mines that look like Islamist prayer mats. He tells me business is booming and prophets are going through the roof.

Do you want to buy some stock?

— Submitted



Click Here

Marxist Lipstick sticker

Remember Barack Obama's statement that "you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig?" At the Patriot Shop, we say, "you can put lipstick on a Marxist, but it's still a Marxist." Our high quality vinyl Marxist Lipstick sticker measures approximately 4" x 6".


And now for a cartoon

To subscribe to Patriot Humor, click here.

To submit humor items for our consideration, email us at

If you enjoy Patriot Humor, you should check out our other online resources:

  Fan us on Facebook   |     Follow us on Twitter!   |     RSS

You have received this email because you are subscribed to Patriot Humor, a service of The Patriot Post, the conservative journal of record. To subscribe to Patriot Humor and The Patriot Post, link to To manage your subscription or to unsubscribe, link to and log in with your email address.